Sex is gay.

I decided to check my junk mail folder to make sure that nothing was misplaced by the all seeing eye of google. I should not have second guessed gmail. I had 238 porn spam messages in my junk folder. I was not pissed off.

I went down to the bar and had a few. Upon returning to my room, I decided to watch some TV. After some time of wandering through the channels, I decided that I was drunk enough to objectively monitor the habits of this strange and interesting monster that is me in a hotel room.

News Channel - Imus scandal 45 sec
News Channel - Imus scandal 25 sec
News Channel - Imus scandal 10 sec
Flip
Flip
News Channel - Imus scandal 5 sec
News Channel - Imus scandal 2 sec
Pokemon 45 sec
Rerun: House of the Dead 2 200 sec
History of aircraft cariers 205 sec
Sports show 15 sec
Sports show 5 sec
Reality TV 10 sec
Nun 2 sec
Flip
Flip
Flip
Flip
E True Hollywood story: Hugh Hefner 206 sec
+ Playboy
Flip
Flip
Girls gone wild infomecial 37 sec
Crocodile Hunter 47 sec
-----------------------------------------------

News Channel - Imus scandal 20 sec
News Channel - Imus scandal 5 sec
Flip
Flip
Flip
Flip
Flip
Pokemon 25 sec
Rerun: House of the Dead 2 20 sec
History of aircraft cariers 30 sec
Sports show 5 sec
Flip
Reality TV 2 sec
Nun 1 sec
Flip
Flip
Flip
Flip
E True Hollywood story: Hugh 215 sec
Hefner + Playboy
Flip
Flip
Girls gone wild infomecial 49 sec
Crocodile Hunter 30 sec

---------------------------------------------


News Channel - Imus scandal 5 sec
Flip
Flip
Flip
Flip
News Channel - Imus scandal 1 sec
Flip
Pokemon 2 sec
Flip
Flip
Flip
Flip
Flip
Flip
Flip
Flip
Flip
Flip
E True Hollywood story: Hugh Hefner 305 sec
+ Playboy
Flip
Flip
Girls gone wild infomecial 67 sec
Crocodile Hunter 10 sec


I was pissed off. I consider myself to be on a higher plane then most mortals, and yet, it was obvious. I was being controlled by tits and ass! There is nothing deep, psychological, or intellectual about it. A couple of blurred out boobies and ass cheeks caused my clicker finger to pause. I passed out in a state of hatred for my very existence.

The next day I went to work. The memory of the night before was fading, with the hangover, and I was content to do what it is that I get paid for. Then, I went to lunch with the customer. Now, this guy was a very fat, old, ugly, man. This did not bother me, at first. He then began to tell me about his wife to be. He attempted to claim that she was better than mine. OK, I though, that’s cool. No man should intend to marry a woman who is not the single best woman in the world. I thought I was going to hear a love story. I was wrong. “Do you get to try out your wife for 90 days before deciding if you want to marry her or not? Will your wife be forced to fuck you whenever you want for the next five years? I didn’t think so. My future wife is better.” If my sword were nearby, I would have cleaved him in two. Instead, I called him an asshole (please, don’t let word of this pass on to my boss) and I went back to work. Of course, he was speaking of his mail order wife. They are real. Lots of Americans use them. They must remain married for 5 years, in order to become US citizens. During that time they are basically sex slaves, with the threat of divorce, and deportation, hung over their head. I was more pissed off then I have been in years.

Tonight, at the Martini Bar (they get 10 points for an original name) I was people watching. This venue is a little more high class then I prefer, however it is the only place within stumbling distance of my hotel. There was a table with a bunch of business people discussing their quarterly numbers. One chick, obviously, did not do very well. The alpha male of the group, before retreating from the bar, said “Damnit Lauren, you want to sell more? A little makeup goes a long way!” There are a lot of people who need cleaving. I really need to start carrying my sword with me. I’m pissed off.


When I started this post, I thought it was going to be against business people. I quickly realized who the true culprit was. I remember a day when sex was awesome. It was an integral part of every good action movie. The hero had beliefs and he fought for what was right. As a reward for triumphing over evil, he got to lay the woman down by the fire. Now, any asshole who comes along, thinks he deserves a little fireman time with a decent piece of meat.

If all that is good in the world was a result of the true men doing what needed to be done, in order to get the chick - then what kind of place will tomorrow be, if every fucknut who comes across the wayside thinks he deserves to get his jollies, for doing nothing more then being an asshole?