OK, that was a close one. A desperate search, lasting no less then one minute was just underway. I just got into my hotel room after picking up dinner and was about to sit down at my computer when I was overwhelmed with panic. The beer in my hand was a pop-top. Frantically, I looked around. There has to be something in a hotel room that can act as a bottle opener. They teach you in school that bottle openers are all around you, all you have to do it look and you will notice them. A hotel room, however, is such a small area I thought I had found the exception. I carefully examined all the counters and flat surfaces, but none would do. I looked in the bathroom, and in all the drawers. Finally, at my wits end, I looked in the closet and found the object of my desire. So, here I am. I’m sitting naked in front of my computer with an iron and a twelve pack of local beer.

There were no restaurants within stumbling distance of my hotel, and I am in an “interesting” part of St. Louis, so I decided to buy dinner and bring it back to my room. Hmmm, I must not forget to expense this stuff. It’s time to take inventory.

12 bottles of Schlafly Pale Ale
4 White Castle Sliders
2 32oz bottles of Gatorade
1 Starbucks double shot in a can
1 32oz bottle of chocolate milk

It’s going to be one hell of a night.

I don’t know what it is about a hotel room, but as soon as I close the door behind me, I have an incredible urge to take off all my cloths. It’s like there is some unspoken rule that things that are normally unacceptable, are ok in a hotel room. I somehow feel that this is what everyone does, but no one talks about. Hotel rooms are the one place where a man can truly feel free. If I ever decided to rub mayonnaise all over my chest, you can bet that it would be in a hotel room.

This iron is really not the best bottle opener. All in all, this hotel room is not that bad. I mean, it has a lamp, a fridge, and a microwave. Of course, it does not have enough power outlets to operate all three simultaneously, but that is to be expected. This is America. We don’t take kindly to madmen who run around hotel rooms naked, trying to heat food and cool it at the same time. I mean, if you are into that, it’s fine, just do it in the dark, so no one can see you through the window.

My rental car is an SUV hybrid. I can’t help but feel that it is an unholy combination. So, do I hate the environment, or not? It’s like a neo-Nazi, skin head waving a flag around with a peace sign on it. Hmmmm, this reminds me of a story that Rosene and I thought up one night. I’ll have to tell it tomorrow. There is a gang fight in the hallway right now. I need get ready.