Man, I saw way too many thongs tonight.**

Ok, that sentence gives the off the exact opposite vibe I was going for. Let me explain:

With less then 4 hours of sleep under my belt, thanks to Dollar Rent A Car, I headed off to work. I knew the the main focus of our latest install was the mental health ward, but I did not realize how much time I was going to spend behind the electromagnet sealed doors. Doing a wireless survey is a lot like the opposite of looking for a well with a divining rod - you have no idea what forces are at work, and you want everyone to think they understand what you are doing. I had to leave the hospital with a 1000% Lynx guarantee that the mental health ward had acceptable -db scores for the wireless panic buttons. I think they will be all right. But, this assurance is at the cost of my sanity. I will not tell you the story of the man who told me, in old testament fashion, the lineage of a used car lot. I will not tell you the story of a woman who always knew exactly what temperature it was. I will tell you the story of the man who laughed at people who thought he was talking to trees.

I was one of those people.

He corrected me.

I will never be the same. If you thought this was deep, let me help. I did not have this thought until I met the clairvoyant prostitute. No, not in the hospital, I met her in the bar.

~Back to the man who laughed at people who thought he was talking to trees~
I was walking around with a beeping suitcase, acting like I knew things about -db, when I saw a guy talking to a tree. I stared at him because I felt superior. I knew that I didn't talk to trees, so I had to be better then him. Then he made eye contact. It was one of those moments when you wished that there was no God and that your great grand parents where those fish who swam into a cave and liked the food. After a lot of blind fucking, you could have been born, withought sight, but with the evidence of eyes. That would have been easier. Instead this guy in the loony bin talked to me.

"Have you ever talked to trees? They will think you are crazy! HAHahaha!"

He laughed for a long time. It was the laugh an evil comic book villain would have. It will never leave me. Who are "they?" I wish that were the last sober thought of the day. Unfortunately, a lot happened between that moment and the drunken moment I am living in now.

I want more Yuengling. It truly is the Bolsheviks beer. I just drove all over tarnation to get some Yuengling. BTW, I hate KevinO. But that is another story.**

On my way from the hospital to the hotel I called my brother, Adrian. After work on Friday I am driving up to Lawton America to attend my little brother, Daniel's, wedding. This is the most depressing thing I have ever done in my life.

I hate Jessica, his fiance. I really hate her.

In fact, I have never hated any other human so deeply. I am good at looking at the silver lining. I almost felt sorry for the clairvoyant prostitute at the bar tonight. Ok, ok, she was probably not clairvoyant. But she sure could read minds. This was probably, only the 3rd time I had actually met a prostitute, and she was good. Not good looking, mind you, they never are. (Although this would be the second thong I would see today. It was more attractive then the first, which belonged to the woman who always knew what temperature it was, but still not worthy of Girls Gone Wild.) She was just good at what she did, you know - reading minds and all that. I watched, just to observe her habits, as she made her mark and went out to the parking lot "for a smoke" aka to give a dude a BJ for $20. I think she just did this to show her powers. I watched her bum free drinks off several travelers. I watched her make eye contact with the locals and duck under their stares. We had a dialog going on, in our heads. I predicted her every move, and she flipped me off behind the back of some big fish in a little bowl. I did not truly believe in her super power until she got kicked out. As the manager asked her to leave, and she walked to the door, eyes tearing up, I thought, "this is a human being. If you prick her, will she not bleed?" My empathy almost took over, and then I looked over my shoulder. She was outside the window smoking a cigarette. She winked at me, and we both flipped each other off in unison. I shit you not. I wish Fox Mulder were there, because she is proof of supernatural powers. She truly could read minds.

As much as I was ready to see the good nature in this mutant hooker, I cannot, for the life of me, see any good in the woman my brother is about to wed. It gets worse. Adrian just found out this week that he was supposed to be the best man. Jessica does not let Daniel talk to his family. All communication either goes through her, or her family. When Adrian demanded that he be allowed to talk to Daniel, alone, before he accepted, Jessica decided that he was not worthy. So, Adrian is not going to the wedding, and I just learned that I will be asked, hours before the ceremony, to take his place. Yes, I know there is more then hours before the event, but I still have not been asked. So, I am being clairvoyant, not exaggerating.

The last thong I saw tonight was at the bar. This is KevinO's fault.** Did you know that in PA you can only buy beer at bar after 10pm? That whole sentence just sounds weird.

BTW, I have 18 Yuenglings in my bag. Whoever wants to come over on Thursday can help me finish them. I can use all the counseling I can get before Friday.